Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

Last week I failed at my New Movie Monday blog. But I did see a movie on Thursday and it’s one that I’m not to thrilled to say that I spent money on. 

Seriously? I thought that it was going to be decent. A slight twist on a historical figure that we all know and love. And yes, it was. But it was done poorly. 

Let’s start with the plot line. If you’ve been living under a rock, you may not know that history books left out so much when teaching us about Abraham Lincoln. Did you know that his mother did not die from ‘milk sickness’ but rather, a vampire bite? Me either. And thus starts Abrahams quest to kill the vampire that killed his mother. He’s taught everything he needs to know about killing vampires by his mentor, Henry. And he has quite a few close calls. I had no idea that he led such an exciting life on the edge prior to entering politics! Did you know that the South was ran by vampire slave holders and they’re the ones that wanted slavery? Yea, the books failed to tell us that one too. Armed with a silver ax that was specially made for Abe, he was able to defeat the vampires in the south, win the war, and thus put an end to slavery. Thank you, Mr. Lincoln.

Benjamin Walker does a fantastic job at portraying Abe Lincoln. So, in no way am I dissing on his acting skills. In fact, it’s probably one of the only things I enjoyed about the film besides the one liners (I’m a sucker for one liners). The special effects and graphics were ridiculous at times. Like when the horse and carriage break through the vampires house, and then ride away into the night? Tell me you didn’t find that to be a bit over the top. The fiery train tracks?...for a little bit I really thought that scene was all about the little engine that could (too bad it didn’t make it. Otherwise that would have been two stories that we had grown up on that misinformed us of what really happened!). The ax seemed to have a fountain of blood that constantly spewed from it long after a kill and he tossed it around as if it was a stick. I don’t mean in the way where there was cleverly calculated tossing like a baton, but in the fact that he tumbles with it quite often and never seems to get hurt. That doesn’t happen bro. You get cut when things like that happen. I feel as if characters were introduced but never fully developed or relationships were learned but then laid there lifeless. It’s as if there wasn’t enough to go off of. 

At one point, I felt that it would be more fun to throw myself down the stairs at the movie theater than to continue watching the movie. There just wasn’t enough for me and by the time that we got to the bulk of the movie, they had lost my interest. To many action scenes and flashbacks in the beginning gave me nothing. Therefore, when the actual story started taking place, I was bored and ready to go. 

At one point my friend Ben leaned over and said “If Abraham Lincoln was such a bad a, how did he get popped off in a theater?” Awkward for us when right after the President won the war he’s in a dialogue with Henry and his wife, Mary, yells “Abe, hurry up! we’re going to be late to the theater”. We were definitely the only four people to crack up in the movie. 

Final verdict? I’m sure the book is much better than the movie. It always is. If you must go see it, please tell me that you have deals at your theater so you can only see it for $3? Any more and it’s not worth it. Wait till it’s out in redbox. Better yet, just save that dollar for something really good. Like Hunger Games. That’s good. 

Until the next New Movie Monday Post, 

Shelby